Every third generation goes through a correction phase
I am not generalizing this, but I observed that every third generation in the family seems to go through a correction phase. You can look around and see several...
I am not generalizing this, but I observed that every third generation in the family seems to go through a correction phase. You can look around and see several examples. There are several reasons for that. I wouldn’t know which generation you belong to, but it is good to be conscious of that. Let us see a few reasons:
Child is a parents’ sense of achievement
We have struggled so much in life that we want to create an environment in which our children don’t have to go through the same struggles. We give them that car we didn’t have, we give them education in a US university, best tuition, best books and the best of everything. And we feel very proud that “I have been able to give the best possible things”. We look at it as our achievement to be able to give children all these comforts. We probably think our only purpose of working so hard is to ensure that the spouse and children are happy.
The first generation worked really hard to create a legacy. The second generation has “seen” all the hardships first-hand and continues the legacy. The third generation only “heard” what the first and the second generations did. There is not only a disconnect, but also a significant gap in sense of achievement.
The double edged sword
I hope you have seen this exceptional story that is floating around in WhatsApp and Facebook, where a businessman from Gujarat sent his child to Kerala to live an ordinary life working for someone. These things make you think that – Am I doing the right thing by cushioning the children to so much that they lose the sense of battle, the sense of vigor and the sense of hardship in life. They are so protected and never allowed to fall. We make them look like they are walking on their own and we talk to everybody with great pride so that the child’s pride doesn’t get hurt. But, actually what we are doing is making the child walk with a walker. We are keeping that walker all around them and making sure that they don’t fall. There is so much of cushioning and they also know that. In a way, this will give them great impetus because they can do more daring things and achieve something phenomenally good without the fear of initial failures. On the other hand, we might be making them incompetent and dependent on the support system.
This is a double edged sword. Because, we are giving everything to our children to make ourselves happy. The big question, which time only can answer, is – are we really doing service or a great disservice to our children? It’s a very tricky thing. So, think carefully.
Burden of success
Parent’s success puts a lot of pressure on the child. Add to it the peer pressure. The eternal confusion in a child’s mind is whether to follow the heart or continue the professional lineage. While the definition of success changes from generation to generation, the question every third generation faces is “do I bear the burden of my parent’s success or do I create my own legacy?”. The first is a comfort path and the second is a new path. The struggle is there both ways and then starts the correction phase. A phase where the the third-generation child asks several questions to oneself:
- Who am I?
- What do I really want?
- Do I want to continue the family legacy or be on my own?
- How can I have my own experience and not be limited by my parents’?
- How can I have my own “sense of achievement”?
What if Abhishek Bachchan wants to be a football player? What if Rahul Gandhi wants to be a movie artist? What if Akash / Isha or Anant Ambani wants to be in politics?
Children are born with their own identities and let us help them have it their way.
I am eager to hear your thoughts and any examples you’ve seen where the third-generation fought the burden of success and had it their own way.
